Many of us married young (under 30) and started a family or had a long-term commitment that perhaps for whatever reasons, i.e. death or difficulties getting along, we found ourselves single again.
What we want the second time around is very different, and here's why -
The first go-around we often were scared of going out into the world alone, wanted a partner, didn't like living alone, worried about finances, or for whatever reason married for security and breeding purposes. Hormones of youth and strong attraction might have been confused with true deep-abiding love. For whatever reason, those who end up divorcing find it was for the best.
Being young and not realizing exactly who we are and what our purpose is here on this earthly plane, we may have changed over time. We might have wanted looks or sexual attraction, career goals or responsibility as markers of a good mate. The purpose of the early union is usually to build a family, home, and careers side by side.
As we come into the freedom of being mature and responsibilities for raising children and climbing career ladders begins to peter out, we want something vastly different. We want someone who gets our quirks, not just tolerates them. We want a companion, a sidekick, a fun partner in crime.
If we didn't feel we had a true love before, the goal might be to find the love of our life.
And, as we have more leisure time, we think about someone to do things with such as travel and hobbies, volunteer work or church involvement. Maybe we want someone who makes us laugh and wants to party. Or perhaps we seek a deep abiding bond that makes us feel we have someone who will ride out the latter years to the end. Perhaps the ideal would be someone who wishes to live as an ex-pat in Costa Rica.
In my own case, having finally found someone who gets the kind of nerd I am is the greatest blessing. My fiance understands my sense of humor and playfulness, and my seriousness about researching the unexplained and ancient mysteries, the desire to be outdoors and discover rocks, gold, petroglyphs.... He didn't have to adapt to what I am as an adult who knows herself, he simply had to recognize "oh my gosh! She gets me and I get her!" We recognized someone who would encourage our passions and quirks.
When a marriage in the youth was about molding yourself to be what the other person wanted, this is the time to find someone who gets you just as you are.
The latter years marriage can be the most rewarding personally as there are no children born from the union so it is simply you and your spouse about to trek into the great unknown - retirement and the hereafter....
Awww. I can't wait to see the day you two marry. And where, how, the dress and jewelry, location ,location. I Love you guys.ReplyDelete