Creating Spontaniety in a Relationship


The lockdown either rekindled relationships or put a bright light on the dull day-to-day mental distancing that goes on in a long-term relationship.


We have put together some ideas for adding some spontaniety into a relationship. 

The tiniest and free things can leave a connection that is renewed.


Invite your partner to go on a surprise trek. Pack a picnic.  Hide it away in the car with a blanket. Hand him/her a blindfold. Play music from your era as you cruise along the roadways and your partner tries to figure out in his/her mind where you are headed. 

Head out into the countryside and find a great secluded spot to set up a picnic. Stop. Tell him/her not to remove the blindfold just yet. Set up the blanket and picnic basket. Come over to the passenger door, open it, take his/her hand and then remove the blindfold. 

Indoor picnic and movie

There are a lot of potential movie/meal combinations, but the important thing is setting cushions up in front of the sofa, a blanket, appropriate lighting, and a movie marathon. 

- Here's some possible themes - 

Chinese takeout, Japanese beer, and Godzilla marathon.

Clam chowder, fish and chips, Blue Moon beer, and Jaws marathon. 

Deep dish pizza, Budweiser and an American Pie marathon. 


The dream can be something as simple as your partner always wanted to paint the bathroom, but you never got around to it. Make a date to head to the Home Depot and pick out a color and do it this weekend. Play fun music, open some beers, and make it a playful project together.

Your partner loves to take pictures, but you never thought to encourage it. Grab him/her up and head out to the countryside to find abandoned buildings for photographic capture. You two might have found a new urbex hobby.

Perhaps your partner is a James Bond fan - dress up as a girl from a Bond movie and refer to him as Bond. If your girl reads romance novels, put on some pirate gear. Make a fantasy come true. 

demonstrate spontaniety

Bring up a subject, like a place your partner wanted to visit, whether it's a museum, historic site, or amazing hiking trail. Talk about wanting to go there some day and describe how you would go about it. Then, stand up, offer your hand, smile and say, "let's do it! Now!" 

It's been a long day and your partner looks a bit ashen and worn. It might be time for a service, kind of like having your car's oil changed.

Make a drink. Pour a bath. Put on some music. Let your partner soak. When done, have your partner lie down. Rub all the muscles with warm oil and music playing. Instead of trying to make it into a steamy session, understand and honor the exhaustion. Wrap your partner in a warm sheet, put on a favorite movie (action or romantic comedy?), darken the room, and allow your partner to just vege.  That consideration is worth many lifetimes of devotion. 


Nothing creates more smiles and happiness than an unexpected card in the mail or delivery. Find a card, write what you feel inside, playful funny or romantic and heartfelt.  How about something like, "sorry we can't have a getaway right now, honey, but at least this card got to see the town" or "You need to know that you are the best partner in all the world and every day, with everything I do, I feel your spirit with me, making me stronger" ??? 

Put a stamp on it and send. 

You have the option of placing a gift card for a favorite shop inside or some handwritten cards offering a free homemade supper, massage, or overnight getaway. 

As well, consider having supper delivered by uber - a favorite meal, or perhaps flowers, candy, or pizza. 

do the opposite

When all else fails, do the opposite of what you instinctly do. 

If your partner asks to go to the movies and you want to beg out, GO! 

If you normally sit on the sofa after supper and stare at the TV until you take a mini nap, HEAD OUTSIDE AND ENJOY THE YARD. 

If you usually give your partner a kiss and say goodnight before rolling over, SPOON AND CUDDLE WHILE TALKING ABOUT FUTURE TRIPS TOGETHER.

Try to spend a day doing exactly what you never normally do. If you're always out and about on the weekend, STAY HOME. If you spend your weekend day napping, STAY AWAKE. If you do your own thing, ASK YOUR PARTNER TO DO SOMETHING TOGETHER.